quarta-feira, janeiro 30, 2008
quinta-feira, janeiro 24, 2008
A Cerveja torna os homens femininos...
Um cientista americano sugeriu que os homens deveriam tomar mais cuidado com o consumo de cerveja, pois os resultados de um recente estudo revelaram a presença de hormonas femininas na mesma. A teoria é que beber cerveja faz os homens tornarem-se femininos. Para provar a teoria, foram dados 5 litros de cerveja a cada um dos 100
homens que participaram neste estudo.
Foi observado que:
a. 100% dos homens ganhou peso (coisa de gaja)
b. Começaram a falar excessivamente e coisas sem sentido (coisa de gaja)
c. Tornaram-se altamente emocionais (coisa de gaja)
d. Não conseguiam guiar (coisa de gaja)
e. Não conseguiam pensar racionalmente (coisa de gaja)
f. Discutiam por futilidades (coisa de gaja)
g. Recusavam-se a pedir desculpas quando estavam errados (coisa de gaja)
h. Passavam a vida no WC (coisa de gaja)
homens que participaram neste estudo.
Foi observado que:
a. 100% dos homens ganhou peso (coisa de gaja)
b. Começaram a falar excessivamente e coisas sem sentido (coisa de gaja)
c. Tornaram-se altamente emocionais (coisa de gaja)
d. Não conseguiam guiar (coisa de gaja)
e. Não conseguiam pensar racionalmente (coisa de gaja)
f. Discutiam por futilidades (coisa de gaja)
g. Recusavam-se a pedir desculpas quando estavam errados (coisa de gaja)
h. Passavam a vida no WC (coisa de gaja)
Oração da Mulher
Querido Deus:
Até agora o meu dia foi bom:
* Não disse mal de ninguém,
* Não perdi a paciência,
* Não fui gananciosa, sarcástica, rabugenta, chata, nem irónica,
* Controlei o meu stress,
* Não reclamei,
* Não praguejei,
* Não gritei,
* Não tive ataques de ciumes,
* Não comi bolos, chocolate, nem rebuçados,
* Também não fiz débitos no meu cartão de crédito (nem no do meu marido) e nem passei cheques pré-datados.
Mas peço a tua protecção, Senhor, pois vou-me levantar da cama a qualquer momento...
Até agora o meu dia foi bom:
* Não disse mal de ninguém,
* Não perdi a paciência,
* Não fui gananciosa, sarcástica, rabugenta, chata, nem irónica,
* Controlei o meu stress,
* Não reclamei,
* Não praguejei,
* Não gritei,
* Não tive ataques de ciumes,
* Não comi bolos, chocolate, nem rebuçados,
* Também não fiz débitos no meu cartão de crédito (nem no do meu marido) e nem passei cheques pré-datados.
Mas peço a tua protecção, Senhor, pois vou-me levantar da cama a qualquer momento...
Piada do dia
Que nome se dá a um grupo de cinco homens à espera das suas mulheres, enquanto estas fazem compras ?
"5 à Sec!"
"5 à Sec!"
sexta-feira, janeiro 18, 2008
Larry is in room #233
Larry gets home late one night and, Linda, his wife says, "Where in the hell have you been?"
Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disgust.
"Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"
"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow.
Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.
Three, I like how money feels in my hand.
And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."
Larry is recovering in room 233 at the local hospital.
Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disgust.
"Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"
"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow.
Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.
Three, I like how money feels in my hand.
And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."
Larry is recovering in room 233 at the local hospital.
Casal Romântico do Séc. XXI
A mulher diz:
- Hoje vou fazer de ti o homem mais feliz do mundo!
O homem responde:
- Vou sentir a tua falta!
- Hoje vou fazer de ti o homem mais feliz do mundo!
O homem responde:
- Vou sentir a tua falta!
sábado, janeiro 12, 2008
7 degrees of blonde
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know,that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?' The wife said, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact onthe sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in themirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.' The second blondesays, 'Here, let me see!' So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her,so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartmentunexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds himin the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun,and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey , don't do it!' The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them.'A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ? 'The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy: W.'
FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? 'Is it mine?'
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wadewas about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said,'That was the decision George Washington had to makebefore he crossed the Delaware'
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman.'
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know,that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?' The wife said, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact onthe sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in themirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.' The second blondesays, 'Here, let me see!' So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her,so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartmentunexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds himin the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun,and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey , don't do it!' The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them.'A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ? 'The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy: W.'
FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? 'Is it mine?'
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wadewas about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said,'That was the decision George Washington had to makebefore he crossed the Delaware'
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman.'
Oração de menina tarada
São Baltazar-quero casar;
São Benedito- com um rapaz bonito;
São Bento-que não seja ciumento;
São Luis-que m faça feliz;
São Manuel-que seja fiel;
São Irineu-que seja so meu;
São Benjamim-que goste de mim;
São Virtuoso-que seja gostoso;
São Vicente-que seja kquente;
São Nicolau-que tenha um grande pau;
Santa Teresinha-que me deixe molhadinha;
Santa Guiomar-que saiba pinar;
São Clemente-que ele pine de frente;
São Brás-que pine por trás;
São Malekias-que pine todos os dias...
São Benedito- com um rapaz bonito;
São Bento-que não seja ciumento;
São Luis-que m faça feliz;
São Manuel-que seja fiel;
São Irineu-que seja so meu;
São Benjamim-que goste de mim;
São Virtuoso-que seja gostoso;
São Vicente-que seja kquente;
São Nicolau-que tenha um grande pau;
Santa Teresinha-que me deixe molhadinha;
Santa Guiomar-que saiba pinar;
São Clemente-que ele pine de frente;
São Brás-que pine por trás;
São Malekias-que pine todos os dias...
sexta-feira, janeiro 04, 2008
Cuidado com os Lisboetas
Um Lisboeta de gema abre uma loja na baixa Portuense e põe na montra oseguinte reclame:
"LOJA DO TEM TUDO "
Um tripeiro que passava pela rua, ao ler o que estava escrito no reclame,resolve entrar na loja, chega-se ao balcão e pede:
- Dê-me uma garrafa de vinho do Porto Vintage, de 1930. O alfacinha procura nas prateleiras, vai ao armazém e traz a garrafapretendida.
No dia seguinte, o tripeiro resolve voltar à loja para tramar o alfacinha.
- Bom dia, dê-me 1/2 dúzia de ovos de avestruz. O alfacinha vai ao armazém e traz-lhe os seis ovinhos de avestruz. O tripeiro paga, e sai da loja dizendo para si mesmo:
- Amanhã vou tramar este gajo, palavra de tripeiro.
No dia seguinte lá voltou à loja.
- Bom dia amigo, hoje preciso de 1/2 litro de esperma.
O alfacinha, sem se desmanchar, pergunta-lhe:
- O amigo trouxe o vasilhame ou vai levar no cú?
"LOJA DO TEM TUDO "
Um tripeiro que passava pela rua, ao ler o que estava escrito no reclame,resolve entrar na loja, chega-se ao balcão e pede:
- Dê-me uma garrafa de vinho do Porto Vintage, de 1930. O alfacinha procura nas prateleiras, vai ao armazém e traz a garrafapretendida.
No dia seguinte, o tripeiro resolve voltar à loja para tramar o alfacinha.
- Bom dia, dê-me 1/2 dúzia de ovos de avestruz. O alfacinha vai ao armazém e traz-lhe os seis ovinhos de avestruz. O tripeiro paga, e sai da loja dizendo para si mesmo:
- Amanhã vou tramar este gajo, palavra de tripeiro.
No dia seguinte lá voltou à loja.
- Bom dia amigo, hoje preciso de 1/2 litro de esperma.
O alfacinha, sem se desmanchar, pergunta-lhe:
- O amigo trouxe o vasilhame ou vai levar no cú?
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